White Tears: A Bad, Angsty, Post-Election Rap

I’m releasing one from the vault today because I’m too lazy to write something new. Trigger warning: this is bad, but I had so much fun writing it! It was right after the election and I found myself amidst a lot of white guilt and/or anger. I couldn’t EVEN with these people and their crocodile tears. What did they understand about it, their families weren’t getting deported or banned. I had FEELINGS about it, so I wrote this really bad rap and even found a beat for it. I rapped it in the comfort of my living room but that didn’t make it any better. Enjoy this cringeworthy treat!


White tears, white tears
Tell me ‘bout your fears
What say all your peers
Impending doom nears

Poor people to save
The immigration wave
We have to be so brave
Justice we so crave

We had a master plan
What if Bernie’d ran?
Everyone a fan
Except, of course, the Klan

White tears, white tears
You’re gonna be okay
This is just today
I’m sorry you feel gray

I know this is a lot
Smoke some legal pot
Get up on that yacht
Buy a new ascot

Six days ‘til you forget
Gigi to the vet
Shop at the outlet
Feel less upset?

White tears, white tears
I can’t take all your guilt
When you held the hilt
The milk you hath spilt

My people ain’t much better
One third for this fetter
Wait for that letter
Prepare to get wetter


National Poetry Day was earlier this week, and I was planning on making today’s #TBT post about Shel Silverstein’s The Giving Tree, but I found this funny video instead. So many of us read this book as kids, and we tend to romanticize it as a story about unconditional love, but there are much darker implications under the surface. This CollegeHumor video takes it a step further and illustrates just how abusive this relationship really is.